James Clarke’s humour column - Stoep Talk* - in The Star in Johannesburg is syndicated to newspapers within the Independent Newspaper Group. He also writes humour for various magazines and has had several books of humour published in South Africa and the UK.

His love of humour is greatly influenced by his upbringing in England where he was addicted to Punch and Private Eye as well as the work of Perelman, Thurber, Leacock, Wodehouse and Jerome K Jerome whose house he used to walk past on his way to school.

Fourteen years ago Stoep Talk launched Densa, the club for those too stupid for Mensa (the international society for those whose IQs are in the top 2 percent). Densa’s members are people who are not terribly good at anything.
Stoep Talk also launched the PA (Pedestrian Association) - in opposition to the AA (Automobile Association) because Clarke claims the AA doesn’t give a hoot for pedestrians. The PA, like the AA, has a breakdown service to help pedestrians who suffer breakdowns while negotiating city traffic. It hands out to victims PA monogrammed tissues and pats them in a sympathetic manner. The PA also helps those who have been run over or mugged - sometimes both. Usually in that order.

Accident victims can, upon flashing their membership cards at casualty departments, receive a welcoming sherry and get 5 percent off on bone splints.

One of the heroes of his columns is the affable Togetherness Amadeus Tshabalala, the demon taxi driver of Soweto. The rear window of his taxi bears the sticker: Defeat constipation - travel by taxi.

Clarke’s secretary is Threnody Higginbottom (called “Miss Smith” around the office) who files everything under M for Miscellaneous.

Another of Stoep Talk’s regular characters is Belinda Tamsen a schoolgirl with a compulsive desire to write very frank compositions. Her lack of spelling skills in no way inhibits her vivid descriptions of family life.

* Stoep is an Afrikaans word meaning patio or verandah.

© James Clarke 2014                                                                                     Contact: jcl@onwe.co.za                                                                                 Website by SKALLIE
Taxiing to a dead stop

Wartime and sex problems

What happened to the real James Bond


Entitled to a Title

Aunt Prudence strikes again

The collected works of JF Clarke

Why James Bond never scared me

Hey, did you see what Obama did?

Why I was so heavy as a child

Crissmus dinner was fun. Granny and Granpa came and bort us all sox and ornty Berrill came and she also bort sox – again. I orsk you with teers in my ize wot sort of crissmus present is sox 4 hevins sake.

She giv my little brutha a trumpit which make a sownd like a So-wetto taxy. She dusint hav any chillren so she dusint unner-stand. My brutha neva stop blowin it Paaap! Paaap! Paaap!

Daddy say if you doan stop blowin that bluddy thing I will rap it rown yor nek. Ornty Berrill say wot a terribell think 2 say 2 a smorl boy and my daddy say wy did you by him a trumpit 4 peet’s sake and she say she by him wot she like and she pick my little brutha up and hug him and he wet hisself again and orlso wet ornty Berrills dress.
 
James Clarke